i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
