Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
