yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
