DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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