I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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