Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
