Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
