hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
