I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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