Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
