i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
