and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
