Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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