i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
