My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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