Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
