mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
