He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
