we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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