Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
