There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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