we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
