I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
