Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize