Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
