i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
