Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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