I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
