Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
