Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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