plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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