Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
