there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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