I want to stick my p in your. b.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The beer is more important than you right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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