no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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