What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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