I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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