? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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