hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
