this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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