no you cant smoke seaweed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
