How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
