One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
