Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
