is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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