Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
