My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
