So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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