I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
