the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
