Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
