We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
