i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
