Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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