living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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