i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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