I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
