I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
