I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
