WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
