You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
