I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
