He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will be naked everywhere
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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