Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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