I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
